We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
