it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
