I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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