can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
