what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
