She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
