I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
