oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
