Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
