i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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