dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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