you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am one with the molecules
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
