at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
