ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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