please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
