im six kinds of drunk right now
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
