1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
