The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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