i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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