I'm jealous of your bromance
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
