I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize