based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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