my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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