These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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