i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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