We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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