Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
