I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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