I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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