i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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