I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
