I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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