Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
