I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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