It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
