I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
