I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
is wine microwaveable?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
