why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
