He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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