she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
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I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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