I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
