White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
