2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
