If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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