I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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