John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
