he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
