Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
