I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
