It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
