I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
