Need sex. Gaining weight.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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