i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
