He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
