I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
