I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
the liver wants what the liver wants
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
