It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
