FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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