I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
