Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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