Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
