You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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